I’m at the crossroad of my life; many crucial decisions need to be taken with careful and thorough consideration.
I’m at the point where I don’t know where it leads to and I’m lack of information input to make the decisions.
I am in Trieste, Italy now. Today was my first day taking Italian course and I found myself pretty fast in picking up Italian. Now, I can fairly understand when people are speaking in Italian slowly, but this only to add to my confusion.
This afternoon, I walked back to the apartment, thinking:
What I am doing this for? Do I really want to be with this guy? Does he really want me? Will we succeed if we get married? Are we ready? What is marriage? Does he want children? How many? Where will we be? Is he the right one? Am I sure? Am I ready to get married in my early career?
I have been wanting a marriage so bad in the last one year, not until we had a very long conversation on it, then, I started to re-think my desire.
If summer 2010 was a period when we got acquainted as a couple, when we traveled to Verona, Venice, Florence, and many other touristic spots, enjoying the days as a new couple.
Then, winter 2010 was a period when we started to develop a deeper feeling for each other, when we started to share our deepest feeling, thought, and fears.
Summer 2011 is the period when we are living in reality of a relationship, when we get really comfortable of each other, when we start talking about the future plan, and during the conversation that took up the whole weekend and still hasn’t finished yet until now, there was a great emotional deal for both of us, we really had to dig deeper to our true self, trying to figure out what we really want and how we will combine it as a couple. It is really really difficult.
I don’t know the outcome yet. This is really a critical moment for us, either we will continue as a couple or we have to go through a heard break-up because the relationship is indeed very good, but if we don’t have the same vision of the future and we are unable to compromise, the second option will have to be taken.
This discussion, I believe, will be going on, at least until next year. I hope along the way we will be more mature and make a correct decision for both of us.
Marriage is not only about a way out from single-ness, it is not the happily ever after, don’t ever think that you will be happy when you are married. In any case, you should be happy on your own, that way you can pick your other significant correctly, not just because your current boyfriend is the one that is visible at the moment.
Marriage is only a beginning of a whole new experience and it is a hard work. Marriage should be proceeded when you have passed the test as a single, when you know that you have become your best version of living on your own, when you have enjoyed enough your single-ness, when you think you really need to go to another stage of life. For example, it’s only after you can manage your finance, you can feed yourself, you can make a living, you can communicate well with your partner, you can put aside your ego, you know what you want, you plan the future well, you have done your higher education, you have fulfilled your dreams, etc..
and I’m confused.
He is away by the way, for the whole week. I’m in his room in his parents’ house, hanging out with his parents and his sister, learning some new recipes from his mum, developing a network of friends in this city (and once again, seriously? will that be useful?), well, overall not too bad anyway. We need to be apart after the conversation :-)
