My promise to my friends
I know this has been a kind of recurrence problem in my way of connecting with friends.
I come and go as I please.. I go where I want to go, I come when I want to, I don’t believe that we all have to go to the same direction.
I do believe that people are free to do whatever they want.
This belief sometimes creates awkwardness between my friends and I.
For example, I do have my schedule, I know how much time I can spend before I go back to my study or do something else. Then, I go out with some friends, and it turns out that it takes longer that expected as some are late or some are really slow or some just deviate from the plan, and it’s already time for me to go even though the ‘hang-out’ is not yet finished. I would say ‘bye, and see you next time’, but most of the time, my friends will feel awkward towards my attitude. They will either go home with me or ask me to stay longer, which sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t like hanging out with my friends, I just have my own schedule and some people just don’t understand. They feel bad if they have to leave their friends or they don’t want me to go home alone.
I can tell you that I’m perfectly fine on my own. That’s why sometimes when there’s someone among our group wants to go on her way, I will always say, ‘please, you can do whatever you want’, while some of my friends will try to prevent her doing such thing if they deem it to be ‘not-ok’.
People can see me as if I don’t care with my friends, but I just believe that, I don’t have rights to tell anyone what to do as I don’t like to be told as well.
I will give my honest opinion if asked, but it’s their own choice at the end. If they turn out to do the wrong thing, I will not say “I told you so’, but I will be there for them. I will not blame them for not following my advice, because I believe that people learn greatly from their experience, so, I kinda think that, that mistake is necessary, and if you really know me, trust me, I will be there for you.
As the world becomes much much more hi-tech, the same thing happens in my virtual relationship.
I come and go in a virtual conversation, be it skype, blackberry messenger, YM, MSN, etc.
People may think that I will look for them when I need them and neglect them when I don’t need them.
Well.. I don’t mean that. It’s true that when I contact you means that I want to talk to you, but sometimes I’m really busy. If you really need someone to listen, I will listen to you, just let me know if you really need help. Most of the time I judge whether or not you really need me. If I think that it’s only an afternoon chat, I usually just ignore you, but doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.
It’s my habit to have a conversation and leave the conversation without noticing the other party and people will usually feel reluctant to contact me again. But people, believe me, it isn’t in my intention to neglect you or it doesn’t mean that I don’t like you, I can guarantee you this. When I’m free, I will get back to you.
And I don’t really take it personally if people don’t reply me, I will completely understand. I’m not demanding people to be always available for me either.
All of these above are just my own way.
Even with my boyfriend, I often suggest him to go on our own way. For example, he wants to go to a pub and I want to stay home, I will say, you can go, I will stay because I believe that we are independent from other people. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love him.
So, people, I’m sorry if I have neglected you in some ways, but trust me, I value friendship, especially from people whom I can believe that they don’t talk behind my back.
