Some advices on relationship
I have been hearing many relationship stories recently and I wanna share what I have reflected here..
1. How much we have forgotten about ourselves when we are in a relationship.
When you are in a relationship, you unconsciously become more and more like the other person. We act differently with different person, we adjust ourselves in a way that enables ourselves to exist along with other people. This is true in a friendship, but it is heightened when you are in a relationship. For example, you used to like spending days and nights watching movies and since you’re in a relationship, you left your habits and started to spend time going out with your girlfriend/ boyfriend. You two develop new habits or new routines together. You two choose how you spend your time and as long as you are in a relationship, you are both happy.
Then, all of the sudden the relationship breaks down and you’ll think how much you have forgotten yourself. I believe that since you are alone now, you will not do the same activities like when you are with him, unless you really like the activities, which most of the time you aren’t.
2. How much you have forgotten your dreams.
Before you met him, you had some dreams, you wanted to learn guitar, you wanted to learn how to drive, you wanted to learn a new language. Then, he came along. Love is in the air, and you two started to develop your future together, you think how you can be with him in the future, where you two will live, which career path that permits you two to be together in a longer time. You don’t realise that you dreams fall aside. Your objectives now revolve around your relationship that becomes your priority now.
If you take a moment back, think about your dreams, what you always want to do. Do it, and have no regret when the relationship breaks down or do it, so that you aren’t wondering in all of your life.
3. Your potential soul mate can be more than one person.
I did believe in a soul mate in the past, but along the way, I have met several wonderful persons that I thought I could actually be with all of them. I also realised that the key in a relationship is willingness to learn and change, to appreciate your partner’s differences and work on them to make you a more compatible couple. It does not matter who you are with, as long as both of you are willing to work the relationship out. If you two are really different, it just means you two have to work harder and it takes time. There’s no instant relationship.
4. Quitting from the relationship is the easiest way, but not necessarily a good way.
Most of us think that breaking up is the solution, and we think that that is the hardest way, but in fact, it is not, it’s the easiest way compared to years that it will take to learn and compromise with the other person’s behaviour. Changing your way of thinking sometimes is the best way to stay happily in a relationship. When you first met your partner, remember what it took you to like him/ her, what made you adore him, and what changed now? It is because you know him more and you don’t like some parts of him? It will happen to every relationship, and if you keep giving up, you will not learn anything and you will be left alone. If you think to quit, hold a little longer, never give up on someone.
However, you should be able to differentiate which one is a good partner who truly loves you and which one is not. It should be pretty obvious, don’t kid yourself. For example, you don’t like his behaviour of going to a nightclub so often. This behaviour got nothing to do with how much he loves you. Don’t try to make a connection that if he goes to a nightclub often, he looks for girls and he doesn’t love you anymore, what’s the logic behind that? It’s a ridiculous reasoning.
Or another example, if you think that he is lack of direction or lack of ambition in his life, once again, it got nothing to do with his love, it is indeed your opportunity to grow together in love by being a supportive partner for him.
However, on the other hand, if he cheats on you, if he doesn’t care about your feeling, if he is violent towards you, if he is possessive, drop him and go look for another one, he is not worth your time.
These advices will be updated if I got some new ideas. Comments are welcome. If you would like to discuss your particular issues, I’m more than happy to listen and give another point of view.
